A few thoughts for Friday

My friend had posted on FB an article about a British man losing 10 years of his life to prescription drug addiction found at The Daily Mail. Although I agree this man suffered through a lot and will never regain those 10 years, I do think that the article is going a little far to say that prescription drugs do only harm. I do not agree with doctors handing out prescriptions for temporary stress. I'm also not really sure why a man would go to a doctor for being confused about his marriage but to each his own. I have suffered through mental problems in the past and currently and I know that prescription drugs can do a great deal for those that actually have a chemical imbalance and cannot just "change" their thoughts or ways on their own. When you are in that situation and you cannot control your own thoughts or feelings you feel helpless. No one else understands why you act this way and are so unrealistic. So you sit miserably looking for something that can help you and give you a boost to be able to be yourself again. I do not know why a person would be on Valium for depression but I think anti-depressants are a good thing and help many people. I do not believe I have found the one for me yet but I am trying to. I just spoke yesterday to SO about many problems Ive been keeping to myself, feelings of depression and more uncontrollable thoughts. I know I'm not done yet in my search for happiness and it frustrates me every time I start to feel like "that person" again. You know you are capable of being a happy, secure person but you are fighting the unending fight to get back there again.

Fun Acres, Fall Wreaths and Freaking out

Fun Acres - On Sunday I took SS to Fun Acres, a farm nearby that had a 10 acre corn maze, animals, games and much needed cider and donuts! When we arrived it was on the cooler side but sunny which was nice. This was our activity together since SO was golfing. We only spent like 20 minutes in the maze since SS was getting antsy and started cheating and walking thru the stalks instead of following the path. We spent some time with the animals and took a hay ride. Of course we had cider and donuts which disappeared very quickly even though I bought plenty of extra to take home and last the week. By the end it was rainy, cold and windy and I was ready to go.

Fall Wreaths - I have seen on many blogs lately a DIY fall wreath using only dollar store items. I am very intrigued here but I'm not sure if I have the motivation to do it. We'll see, you will know if I actually did...I'll have to brag since it will be the first crafty thing I've done since jewelry making (a large flop).

Freaking Out - I only have three weeks until my classes at Specs Howard start. I am getting more and more scared by the day that I won't be able to handle it. I am scared about the crazy schedule I will have. 35 hours at work, 10 hours driving to and from work, 9 hours in classes and 6 hours of homework in one week. That doesn't include the laundry, dishes, my son, SO, grocery shopping or sleeping. When I think it out in this process I really start to freak. It is only for one year so I do have that on my side but I hope I'm not so anxious by the first class that I puke. lol.

Can I be healthly for a second?

I am so sick of being sick! Friday evening I came down with some crazy flu or something. I had a fever, headache and horrible stomach pain. I ended up throwing up overnight and finally recovered in the evening saturday. When all that started I also was feeling something coming on in my throat. Since then I have been fighting sinus problems and losing the war. Today I feel very crappy, my throat is killing me, my nose is stuffy then running. I am taking antibiotics and vitamins everyday and i still feel worse and worse. Can I get some relief please???

My Son is 2!

Yesterday was my sons birthday and I had a blast doing little things  for him to make is special! It was of course a wednesday so we didn't do too much but I think he enjoyed it! He watched a new Dora movie when he got up, instead of the usual penguins. He shared ice cream cups and juice at school which was a big hit! He got to talk to all his relatives on the phone and he got a kick out of the singing! He got a huge smile every time someone sang happy birthday which melted my heart! We had grilled cheese for dinner which he loves and had cupcakes for desert. My silly son ate it cut up with a fork! he doesnt like getting messy. He opened his two presents, Chuck trucks and a garage city thing. He loves those, of course they are trucks! And he ended the evening with his yellow and pink Dora Pj's! What a kid! I love him so much and of course can't believe he is two already and how big he is. Amazing!

I despise computers

In the past two work days I have spent about 8 hours messing with our 4 computers to get them running properly. I want to scratch my eyeballs out! One new computer and BAM! I want to die. What a mess. At least they are finally working and I can actually get something done now, what a waste of time.

I'm officially 25!

My birthday was yesterday. I had a pretty great day too. Yay! I heard from a lot of great friends by text or facebook wishing me a good day and that really made me feel good. I got flowers and a balloon from my parents at work, cookies, coffee and an ice cream cake. I also got dinner out at TGI Fridays! And my baby boy suprisingly was a charming 2 yr. old who listened to his mommy (for once in his life). He was such a sweetie, giving me kisses when I asked and eating his dinner. That made me feel good too! lol.

Friday is the new Monday...Blah

Well of course I had to go and drum up some drama for the weekend. It just can't be a good happy TGIF! I did something bad and SO found out so now I feel like puking because I don't know how he is reacting. I'm slowly ruining my own life and I can't even help it. Great. Too bad I doubt those anti-depressants are going to kick in fast enough to fix a darn thing. This weekend is going to suck now, we are not going to get along all weekend, trying to avoid each other in a two bedroom apartment doesn't work too swell.

Organizing Cubes! Yay!

I got my requested Closetmaid organizing cubes for my birthday from my SO. I already put it together and it looks awesome. It is really sturdy and the bins are perfect for all of my sons toys and I'm thinking even some clothes. Unfortunately we don't have room for it in the living room, it matches furniture in there already (expresso) and is a nice piece. I'm going to be putting it in my sons closet as soon as i find a place for his Step 2 Kitchen (big mistake). I should have some pics up of it soon. Yay! SO did good by following directions, i'm so glad. He knows me all too well. My son is buggin me to play cars with him on the floor...until another day.

Splitsville for one of my faves

I love Chelsea Handler. I watch Chelsea Lately on E! whenever I can. This brings me to the sad news that she split from Dave Salmoni (very good looking Animal Planet guy). They are shown here at a Natasha Bedingfield concert. *What guy would go to such a thing anyway?!

Well I hope she finds another silver fox to replace him and that looks better than Ted Harbert (the one before Dave). Check out this article, there is a great pic of Dave!!! Hot Dave Salmoni Pic

Sweet online store..

So of course I'm already looking for a backpack for school coming at the end of October..haha. At first I was looking for backpacks but then I found http://www.become.com/ . It has a huge selection of bags from different online stores so there are so really great prices to be found.

Now I am looking at the Dakine laptop messenger bag, its approx. $55.00. I think it' cute and it will keep my precious free mac book from getting smashed. HA! Here's the link to see the one I'm eyeing.. Messenger bags: http://clothing-and-accessories.become.com/handbags-bags-and-luggage/messenger-bags

I can really waste some time online here people. Sheesh. I started browsing for Birthday ideas. SO is still bugging me for ideas! I guess my birthday is in like 10 days. Check out these sunglasses: http://clothing-and-accessories.become.com/accessories/sunglasses they have some pretty sweet brands like Oakley, Nike and DKNY. I would never be able to afford those without a bday coming up so I guess it's a perfect gift!

I'M SO EXCITED!!!! YAY!!!

I took my admissions test for Specs Howard - School of Media Arts and I passed it! I did really well which made me feel a little better. I was very nervous before I took it. And my financial aid all worked out to cover the cost of the entire tuition. I didn't enroll yet but I plan to next week after I talk to my parents and figure out babysitting for my son. I'm so freaking excited! I want to scream it out!! I will be going for Graphics Design, it's two nights a week and lots of online work. I get a free mac book to use over the year! Awesome! It's going to be so crazy adding this to my already crazy life but I can't wait. This is what I am really interested in and I'm so excited to get to use the sweet software and lab computers! AHHHHHHHHH!!

Where do restaurants get off?!

For lunch I went to La Terrace Mediterranean Cafe in Southfield. I got a carry out small Greek salad with chicken (cucumbers and feta only). This salad cost me $8.48 and did not even come with pita! WTH?! Pita is kind of an essential with a Greek salad. I also know if I bought that same salad sitting in the restaurant I would have gotten pita! I am so disgusted with how much some things cost these days! I spent $9.68 total for my lunch today and it was definitely sub-par, I didn't even finish it. That's what I get for wanting a Greek salad the day I eat lunch alone. I don't know how 4 little strips of chicken (small - most Greeks come with like a whole chicken breast), 4 cucumber slices, dressing, feta and lettuce (that didn't taste rinsed) costs 9 bucks! Stupid if you ask me, and I will not be going back to La Terrace!!!

No child support = broke mama looking for moola

Thanks to my endearing ex, I did not receive any child support for the month of August. This puts a little monkey wrench in what I call finances. I thought I was doing pretty good keeping track of things using my handy dandy envelope system. Subtract child support and it screws it all up. Not only does it screw up my system, it makes me freaking broke. There goes any little savings I was trying to make and now I will be on a strict budget of absolutely nothing for any extras. My sons birthday is also coming up in 3 weeks.. How are you supposed to spoil a 2 year old when their father doesn't feel like contributing?! It makes me sad really that this has to happen right before his birthday. I just can't catch a break with this dude. What in heavens sake was I thinking being in a relationship with such an infant that can't even do his part in his sons life??

Speaking of this individual - It just popped in my head that it has been a few days over a year that I have not been with this person. That is refreshing even though he continues to cause me trouble in life. That also means that my year anniversary is quickly approaching with my new partner in crime. It has been a bumpy road for us but I really think we have a lot going on and a year is a very big thing! I knew 2010 was going to be great!

Lilo needs to fall off a cliff

I just can't stand Lindsay Lohan. She makes me want to puke. As seen here Lindsay is back at life driving expensive cars and wearing designer things like billboards. I listen to 89X in the morning and they were saying today that she's actually getting paid by major companies and brands to wear/drink/use their product since she is such a big deal right now. Paparazzi are on her like white on rice. What is wrong with all of the young celebrities throwing away their lives?! They make some money and lose their minds apparently. It just makes me so mad that people who work hard to earn a little bit of money have to constantly listen to this crap. I have to see Lilo on every stupid magazine in every store and hear about how dumb she is. I would just like to live comfortably and provide enough for my family to be able to have vacations and a decent home. As she drowns herself in her millions of dollars and ruins her life... so not fair.

My birthday is upon us...

My birthday is in about 2 and a half weeks. I will be 25. I feel like I am going to be terribly old. Now of course I don't know for sure but I feel like turning 25 with no children is much different than 25 with a two year old. My points:

• I go to bed at 10:30pm
• I am constantly in physical pain (usually back pain, this makes you feel old)
• My SO is going to be 34 in November (we do old people things, hehe)
• Having a routine is very boring and old feeling
• I rarely drink or go out in the evenings
• I have two good physical friends that I rarely see
• My "stepson" is going on 9, feels like I had him in a way (weird)

Is that enough? I feel old, I don't even want anything for my birthday. I told my SO that I don't want anything. That's sad.

Lost motivation...who's with me?

Has anyone else out there lost motivation with life and it's goals? I feel like a lost soul for some reason. How did I get here? How do I get out? I need someone to smack me in the face and tell me to snap out of it. In this I am speaking about relationships, my career goals, getting into Specs Howard for school, cleaning around the house...I've lost it all over the place. Yikes! I arrived back from Georgia in quite a funk. See I was there for vacation which was anything but. I was lonely, irritated, exhausted and couldn't get along with a soul. Add in two 12 hour driving trips and you've got a pissed off mama! :)

Any ideas?

I wish I could magicly get people to sign up for Inboxdollars! I get emails everyday right in my Inboxdollars Inbox and with the toolbar I see that there is new email as soon as I open Internet Explorer. It is really easy and user friendly, especially compared to the other sites i've done. I have made $18.00 so far which is not that much but if I could get some referrals it would work twice as good. Plus they would be making money too, so I dont really understand why I don't have any. Hopefully this will change soon... I'm open to suggestions people. I think it's a good money maker, thats all i'm sayin.

I'm still here!

I can't believe how long I left my poor blog just sitting there all lonely! I'm still here my friends! A short update on how my fabulous long 4th of July weekend went...
We (SO, myself and stepson) went to South Haven for the weekend, along with like 10 other people to stay in a small cottage! We took our tenting gear, no big deal. But then we were met by at least 6 youngins (18-22yrs old) who stayed up until 4am every night! OMG! Saturday night we stayed in the tent for the first night there, we didnt sleep a lick! By the end of tossing and turning while listening to the dumbest, drunkest comments by the campfire we were sooooo done with tenting it. One dude even got lost walking back from the bar...he ended his night at 730am finally back at the cottage after walking 27 some miles totally wasted. He was even awoken by two cops from his random backyard passed out nap...and hes in the marines or something. Sheesh, they were crazy and made me feel even more old than I already do. See im only 24, shortly 25 and feel like 28 or 29 since I have a 2yr old and have to be responsible and all. These "kids" made me feel like I was 35. It seems like so long ago I was partying and staying up late. Yikes! I drove a jetski by myself which was pretty cool, those are fun lil machines. We laid out on the beach, swam, fires, beer, it was definetly a good time.

And for those that care...SO got his motorcycle done...it runs, drives, stops and everything. Yay! (a bit of sarcasim) So get ready for my post on having to ride the thing and scare the crap out of myself...

Thursday

I was on my toes last night, the storms were scary. There were funnel clouds only 25 miles from my house and the thunder and lighting was non-stop for about two hours. The tornado warnings and alarms were on from 10 to 11pm and I was frightened! I was so glad when they finally lifted our tornado warning so I could calm down a little.

I checked my Michigan Lotto numbers this morning and of course, NOTHING! Ugh! I was really hoping for something! I would take $100, I'm not being a snob here!

I'm kind of bummed this morning, I could be working at home today and saved myself the 2 hour drive but last night I didn't have enough time to take work home. :( Hopefully I can get things done and take the rest home for the 2nd half of the day!

My SO is really pushing it with me lately. His motorcycle is almost done and he has been working on it almost every day! I am home alone with Ry until late at night and it's really getting old. I am truly excited for him that he got it started and its coming together for him. He's so excited and it's really cute but I'm scared out of my mind that he'll be riding it soon which is totally over shadowing my excitement for him. Plus I'm getting really bored of life being by myself every night and not having a normal dinner and time together.

The detroit news just keeps on coming..

Kwame Kilpatrick is in for it. I really don't like the guy myself, he's a poor excuse for a human being. He ran Detroit into the ground and hilariously thought he was going to get away with it. Even a short time in jail wasn't that much punishment for all the things he has done. IN COMES THE FBI! Kwame gets indicted - I hope the FBI teaches him a lil lesson. He deserves to rot in jail for the rest of his life. Makes me sick!

Earthquake in Ontario, CANADA

This afternoon there was an earthquake in Ontario Canada and was felt in the Metro Detroit area! You can find the info here. I did not feel anything but its all over the news and radio right now. People felt it in Auburn hills, Royal Oak and Bloomfield Hills. Crazy!

Where did Monday and Tuesday go??

I can't believe it is Wednesday already! Not that I'm complaining! Last night we went to my IL's for dinner. My MIL is going to make me fat, seriously. She makes wonderful dinners and ALWAYS has desert on hand. Sheesh! I always eat way to much. Ryan had some good fun after dinner playing with the hose in his full clothes! It was very cute. He started out helping to water the flowers and then it was all over as he drenched himself. He was having a great time. Pictures to come, of course I didn't have my own camera! There's always something a prepared mama is missing! Argh! :( 

Couponing!

I am going to try couponing! I fell upon Hip 2 Save this morning and have decided to try it out. I have been keeping up on CVS sales and how much I can save with my CVS card and ECB's which has been fun and effective. So I hope to start saving with couponing and i'm even contemplating trying to payoff my $10,000 in credit cards instead of going bankrupt. The only problem with this is I don't know if I have enough time before my creditors really come after me. My voicemail is full and they call my relatives daily so I don't think I have much time left until im sued. It would feel really great to be able to get out of it the right way and not ruin my credit anymore than I already have. The only issue would be my house that was foreclosed on. I don't know what would happen with that. Anywho either way I plan on saving some money! Yeehaw!

Friday was a bust!

Friday when I got home from delivering my son to his dads (2 hours later) SO was sleeping on the couch, he was so tired after his escapade Thursday night he was sleeping! So we ended up sleeping until 10:30pm, eating dinner (Hungry Howie's, yum!) and watched most of The Shining (SCARY). I was really disappointed but at least we spent time together.

Saturday ended up being a crappy start too. We had a long crazy relationship talk in the morning. But luckily it cleared up some things and was overall a good thing. We ran around town for a while looking for a lay down lawn chair for his sister. We went to Kmart, Target, Walmart, Home Depot & Meijer and none of them had one that was less than $30.00!! What is this world coming to when you cant get a lawn chair in the middle of summer?! It was freaking ridiculous! While looking though I found a great deal! I bought my son a 12" bike pre-assembled for $40.00 at Walmart. I am very excited about this because the lil dude loves bikes! I just hope he'll be able to work it and not get to frustrated, he is young for a bike at age 2. Stay tuned I guess! Then it was off to my sisters house for a little Fathers day BBQ. It was nice but we had a beer or two before so it was very awkward for me being buzzed and all (lightweight!). I was trying really hard to not talk too much. lol! Then as SO promised (well I kinda forced him) we went out bowling! yay!!! :) We had a really great time and the night made me very happy. We haven't had a date night in probably 6 weeks!

Today we spent time with SO's son and went to the community pool. I'm always up for sun and a pool! We got SO a tshirt and tennis shoes for Fathers Day. They were both things he's been wanting for a while now. I could really use a nap! Sheesh!

HAPPY FATHER' S DAY to all those dads out there!!

Emotional Baggage

I was thinking about my reactions to last nights tiff and how a lot of my feelings were related to past history and my baggage that I have moved into our house together. As I googled I stumbled upon Tom Haskins blog growing changing learning creating and read over numerous posts on emotional baggage. It definitely makes me think and wonder if I will be able to overcome this. I do not want to sabotage my relationship because of things that have happened to me in the past. I am only here because of my past and I want to think that's exactly where I am supposed to be. There was also a post or two on control freaks which I absolutely admit to being! and I think it made sense, hopefully some of these posts can be a starting point for me and even for SO to help him understand me a little bit more. He already understands me a lot but I don't think it will hurt and could also be discussion points for moving forward. I feel a lot more calm after we talked things out and after reading some ways to try and release some of my toxic negative experiences from my past.

I knew it was coming, just not how...

Last night was a complete bust. This weekend is going to be just us, its been almost two months since we've had one. Our kids schedules are pretty similar and it usually works out that one weekend a month we get to have a little date weekend when both kids are with their other parent. It has happened many times already that I get hyped up and excited to have some alone time and get to go out, counting down the days and all. So I knew something was going to screw it up and...last night was it. SO got mad at me because I didnt feel like whooping it up with him. It was already 10pm and I have to get up with my son at 6am everyday. I was already in a crappy mood as well so I didnt really see the point in drinking and staying up late while still in a bad mood...So he got mad, continued to drink and then went to the bar until 2:15am. Does this happen to other moms? First of all I think its ridicuolous that he got mad I didnt want to drink! Its my choice! And in my opinion he disregarded my feelings and chose to go out by himself instead of with me tonight. (I know he wont want to go out again tonight - Which ruins my weekend!) Is this normal??

Here's my first step!

I have been thinking about starting my own website for income for quite some time now. I currently work full-time so I'm naturally scared where the time is supposed to come from. I also haven't come up with a product or topic yet. So this is my first step. I stumbled upon a story of Tina and her website http://carrotsncake.com/ which motivated me to look back at my previous attempt at blogging http://thedoolittlefamily.blogspot.com/. My life story has drastically changed since 2008 which brings me to Drama, Mama & Friend! I'm very excited and I really hope I stick to it. I hope this is my fresh start to getting back to school, creating my own website and accomplishing some of my dreams.